If you want to ruin your marketing, this tongue-in-cheek post is for you! Until now, I’ve written for people who want to improve their marketing. For this post, I want to try something different by talking directly to folks who’s goal is to practice marketing in the worst way possible.
To speak to all you aspiring marketing failures, I’ll present some recommendations for ruining your marketing efforts. I’m confident that if you practice all of these steps (in any order), you’ll be amazed at how quickly your relationships with clients will sour.
1. Get on every social media channel you can find
Sure, the common wisdom for using social media in business is to get on just one channel at first, get really good at that one, then maybe add another channel.
But you’re going all in when it comes to ruining your marketing! So, get on every social media channel you can think of.
Besides getting on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, be sure to get on Foursquare, Tik Tok, Myspace, Xanga, Ello, and Snapchat.
Sure, it will take up a lot of time, and they may not be channels your customers typically use. But that doesn’t matter, but you must sacrifice to be the worst. This is a fantastic way to see zero ROI on your social media efforts!
2. Be a jerk to everyone but your clients
Feel free to take out your frustrations on everyone around you (as long as they’re not a client). Your clients may not realize at first how mean you really are. And when they find out, they are sure to leave you in a jiffy!
3. Over promise results
You know that getting someone on the first page of Google using organic search methods takes at least three to six months. But your customers and potential customers don’t know that. Promise them they’ll be on the first page within one month, so you get them as a customer.
When you don’t hit the one-month marker like you promised, rest assured that you’re doing the wrong stuff the right way! On top of ruining your marketing, you’ll burn any bridges with your client as they leave you in a huff.
What a great way to fail!
4. Bash your competition
Putting others down will help you disguise any insecurities you may have in your marketing abilities. It’s also an effective way to ensure you fail.
Whenever you mention other marketers, be sure to note that they’re idiots, scammers, or just plain stupid.
Effectively bashing your competition isn’t done by showing folks that you offer services that your competitors don’t at a better price (that will actually help your marketing, which isn’t the point of this post). You have to attack your competition’s character and mental aptitude.
A quick way to damage your credibility and integrity is by making vague, sweeping statements about how much superior you are than your lowly competition. Some ways to do this are using ad-hominem attacks or exaggerating your results.
5. Let your ego reign supreme
If a client doesn’t like something you do for them, take it personally. Do NOT adjust your strategy.
Willingness to change is a step away from failure.
Also, be sure to talk about yourself far more than you listen. If your clients have a problem with that, make sure they know how offended you are.
6. Tell your client what to do without asking questions
Don’t give your clients an opportunity to hear what they want. Assume that they don’t know what they want. That means no asking questions or sending out surveys.
If a client starts to tell you what they envision for their marketing, remind them that they aren’t the experts, and their opinions are better left unspoken. They’ll be sure to hate that kind of rude behavior, and they’ll be more than happy to run away from you.
Wrapping up
I’m confident that performing these steps will put your marketing on the fast track to ruin. Also, if you are committed to ruining your marketing, never visit this blog again, since I put out information for marketers and small business owners who want to be successful.
